You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
