Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
