he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
