She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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