the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My first STD was from a foam party
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
vagina is talking i cant
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
