i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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