Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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