i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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