there's paper in my vomit.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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