I wish my penis had an off switch
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
