my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
