i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
