i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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