i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
