it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He better not be in your backpack
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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