Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
