He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
