How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
