Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
