You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I didn't notice because vodka
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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