im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
