At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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