and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
