he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The best revenge is premature balding
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
