8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
