he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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