i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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