i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
