were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize