I cannot find my penis.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
