he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
