I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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