I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
