i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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