Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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