She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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