we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
