As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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