normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
