Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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