How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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