Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
