I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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