I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
