OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
