I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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