Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
