I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
