Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
