I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
