Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
