I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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