what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
