I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
