I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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