also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
