Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
