where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
