I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
