Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
