She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
