Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize