I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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